Today's Parents Don't Live in Reality When It Comes to Their Kids' Sports

For those of you that have children and read this site, I have some bad news for you- Little Johnny is not going pro. He's not going Division One either. He might not even make the high school varsity team, and if he does, he's 50/50 to start. I say this mostly because that's what the odds tell us. For the majority of you, if your kid goes out for sports, they won't make it. I know, you know that, on a basic level. You say "yes, I get it." Then you read about a local wrestler, football player, softball player, or other athlete signing their letter of intent to some major division one or two school, and you think "could that happen to my kid?" You come to the conclusion that it could happen, because your child has a non-zero chance. Someone has to get those scholarships, right? Never mind that Little Timmy isn't 6'3", doesn't run a 4.4 40 yard dash, doesn't bench 350 pounds in eighth grade, because he's going to work hard. He's going to try hard. And dammit, we're going to believe. I've seen it a million times. I've had parents who I know tell me their kid will be a division one wrestler, and when I confront them with, "I know a few wrestlers who did that, and they are really, really good," they usually answer me with "so is my kid." I know that it's hard- no one wants to acknowledge the reality of what their children are capable of, because they want them to be capable of the world. There's also an obvious financial interest, to go along with the emotional one, and so parents become blind.

There's two main negatives that come from this- parents imagining their children are champions, and parents push their kids beyond reasonable means. For some parents, it means "participation trophies" for their kids, essentially imaginary championships that let Little Tommy think he's great, even if he's not really great at sports. For some other parents, it means sixth graders on "elite traveling teams," going around the country playing on supposed "all-star teams." Neither of these are good.

I won seven varsity letters in high school, I had a decent amount of success, but sports neither took me to college or pay my bills today. The value I got out of playing sports was in the lessons I learned, many of which on my local, all-comer community leagues. Some of the most important lessons I learned were in defeat, and in setting a healthy, realistic view of self, one where you realize that not everyone gets to be a champion in everything, and sometimes the "not everyone" equals yourself. I was fortunate to not put my entire self-worth into one single sport, but to play many and remain well-rounded. A lot of kids aren't getting that today. We have seven year olds trying out for "A teams and B teams." A lot are getting trophies, when they aren't very good, instead of being taught to go out and have fun, and enjoy the games for the fun of themselves.

We need to apply a bit of common sense to youth sports. I get that professional athletes do some things. I get that major college athletes do them to. Your high school student isn't them. Your sixth grader isn't them. Your third grader isn't them. Creating an "elite" team so your child can feel good isn't going to help them in the long run. Focus more on the lessons they learn, and how it helps them grow, and less on winning state championships and getting college scholarships that probably won't ever happen. Live in reality. You'll be doing Little Johnny a favor.