Rest Easy, My Lizzie

Not much is left of 2002 Rich Wilkins. I was a senior in high school when my mother and sister brought home our first puppy, Lizzie, on Good Friday of that year. The number of things that have happened since then are staggering. I graduated from both Easton Area High School and Moravian. I've said goodbye to my grandfather, a couple of great-aunts, a couple of great-uncles, and an uncle. I watched the Phillies win and lose a World Series. I cast my first, second, and third votes for President of the United States. The Iraq War came and went. I've lived in New York, DC, Harrisburg and Iowa (twice). I've been on the payrolls of four U.S. Senators' campaigns. I could keep going at this all day and night if I wanted. The world is a very different place than it was then. I'm a very different person.

I have not had a happy moment since Friday afternoon. That is how sad I am to have put down my first dog. They say if you want a loyal friend, buy a dog, and I can now vouch for that forever. Lizzie had debilitating arthritis in her back legs, and the reality was that her ability to function was going, and yet I still am debating with myself if it was the right move. There's just something very unsettling about watching an animal that trusted you with it's life pass in front of you. It's something that I absolutely had to go with her to, but probably will be very different forever after. I'm definitely struggling right now.

Friends, girls, troubles, and thrills came and went, and yet I had one very, very loyal friend. She was virtually my last link to high school me. We aged together, and even when I was a shitbag of a person, she at least wanted to be around me. Obviously, an 18 year old person will outlive their dog, so this was always part of the deal. I knew that. In a sense, i'm at least proud of myself that I was with her to the bitter end. In another sense, I do wonder what she thought of me at that end. Did I live up to being the person that my dog believed I was? I'd like to know that.

What should you know about my eldest dog? There's lots of funny stories. Here's a few of them:

• There was a huge party at my house during Musikfest of 2002. Her and one of my friends (RIP GR) answered the door with me when the chief of police in Palmer Township knocked on my door. She also drank a spilled beer off the floor during that week long party. At least I knew she had my back. 
• Of my three dogs, she's the only one who ever kind of tried to wonder off. Our neighbor once found her around the corner, sitting on the street corner by herself. She didn't go far, but she definitely liked to explore.
• Much of my family was happy to see me when I came home from Iowa, but no one was happier than Lizzie. She would not leave my side during both my one visit home in 2007, or when I came home in 2008. 
• She used to love morning pancakes, just like her people. Coincidentally, I love pancakes too.
• As a young dog, she loved her "greenies" (a green, chewy toy that she would chew on) and her "sock ball" (literally a tennis ball in a tied off sock). As she aged, she didn't care as much about toys, but did like to run after the younger dogs. Even as she lost her speed, she outsmarted them by cutting off their angles in hallways and out in the yard. She knew every turn better than anyone else she raced after. As she aged, her Christmas present of choice were beds that she could lay down on and stretch out, and sleep. 
• For much of her life, she loved to sleep with me in bed. On her final afternoon, I brought her back up to lay with me on that bed. You can see the smiling picture above. 

I could tell a lot more about her, but I'll save that. I doubt this will be my last post about her, at least this week. I've been a bit quiet the past few days, and that's about where my mood is. I guess i'm just thinking a lot about the past 14 years, and my most loyal supporter over that time. Rest easy, Lizzie, I hope you have a nice spot in heaven where you can run and play.